although i honestly didn't think about it much, the use of buzzwords when discussing how nintendo's huge success is attributable to hyped-up today show watchers who hop on the hip wii bandwagon was intentional irony.
we games journalists keep from descending into the slippery slope of frothing and babbling or whatever you said about kiddie pools of shit (and for my part, i dislike easy vulgarity as shortcut to humor, but let's agree to differ in taste) by having fun with words, even when others aren't necessarily in on the joke. and i don't feel particularly soulless or eaten away at just yet!
Now, if that's the case, and Leigh was taking the piss, then okay – mea culpa. Personally, I didn't get an especially ironic vibe from the piece in question, but then it's not like I've never made an obtuse in-joke, so I guess I ought to take her at her word. So, yes, I was wrong and I apologise.
Oh, but Leigh? The highbrow vulgarity we do here at Eegra is certainly not easy. Not by a motherfucking longshot.
Because I would love to punch this one by Gamasutra's Leigh Alexander:
Nintendo can easily keep in riches through the whims of the faddish mainstream trendline -- and that's only sensible, the well-earned fruits of brilliant business savvy and an admirable marketing campaign.
The whims of the faddish mainstream trendline. Honestly, what the fuck does that mean? I'll tell you what it means: it means that Leigh thought buzzwords would magically transform an obvious observation into insightful analysis. This is exactly the sort of thing Patrick and I were talking about in the podcast – this ongoing trend in which games journalists employ ridiculous corporate babblespeak to make their work appear authoritative, when it only serves to obscure the information they're trying to communicate.
What's really annoying about this particular example is that Leigh is actually a very good writer, and therefore doesn't need to pad her work with this kind of wankery. But this is what happens when you're a proper games journalist – the profession eats away at you, like a disease, until all you can do is speak in words sponged from press kits and market analyst reports. You think I'm exaggerating, but trust me, I've been there. I know. One day you're writing a detailed Nietzschean critique of Chrono Trigger, the next you're wondering how you'll contain your frothing demand for the nextCall of Duty. It's a slippery slope, and at the bottom is a kiddie pool full of liquid shit.
I sure hope Leigh remembered to bring her bathers.
Thanks to Vinnk of 4CR and Rising Stuff, and Justin Smith of being-friends-with-Patrick. Actually, Justin did most of the camera-holdin' at TGS, so close your eyes really hard like "Nyooooooh!" and send him a mental thumbs-up.
“Let’s kick off our up-to-the-minute coverage of Tokyo Game Show with a look at all the major booths on the show floor. It’s the next best thing to being there!”
That’s the introduction I wrote to this photo feature. So when you click the link, you’re gonna see it again. Fair warning.
Yes! Here is an interview with Dessgeega, the creator of Mighty Jill Off, Calamity Annie, and other excellent things. I can tell you, honestly and enthusiastically, that this is a bloody good interview: long and meaty! She even tells us a little bit about her next game. But more importantly, she tells us about her ideas, her life, and her philosophy of game design. I bet you like a hundred dollars that this interview is way more interesting than the next interview you read with, say, Shigeru Miyamoto.
“What what? More interesting than Shigeru Miyamoto? But he is a very important genius!” True, dearest reader. But consider that the only people who get to interview Shigeru Miyamoto are cock-gobbling suck-ups, who ask stupid questions like, “Will there be another Zelda game? Is Nintendo planning another DS redesign?” Like that shit matters, you idiot! Just wait and find out! You get to interview Shigeru Miyamoto, and that’s what you want to know? Jesus christ, you must be the most boring fucker alive.
This one here, I mean. Not only is the author a funny and insightful writer, he also likes to kicktheshit out of sub-standard games journalism — kindoflikewedo. As far as I'm concerned, that's enough to make us Official Internet Besties, and nothing he can say or do will change my mind.
Not at all, noble emperor! Actually, I linked to a couple of your website’s list articles a while back, because they tend to be among the best examples of the list article done right. I’m not a format snob; in fact I have a growing fondness for the list article: If you have a bunch of thoughts to share, and they’re loosely connected, just list them! Tying those assorted paragraphs together into a ‘flowing’ essay with a single main argument seems forced – almost sort of fake – in comparison, and a needless bother as well. What’s more, list articles are easier to read than essays: Each idea is presented in a small, digestable chunk – perfect for someone else to quote on their blog!
List articles are popular for a reason, and there’s nothing wrong – in fact, there’s everything right – with wanting as many people as possible to read what you’re writing. So list away, John Constantine and pals, and others like you! We ought to do list articles here at Eegra. We probably will, sooner or later.
But of course, most list articles are terrible. Because the form makes writing so easy, and because it’s so adaptable, bad writers – actually, make that delusional non-writers; certainly the majority of videogame articles on the internet are penned by them – use it as a crutch. Got nothing to say? Feeble, flabby brain? Wouldn’t know an original thought if it cut your dick off – with its business card? Games journalist? Not to worry! Think of a topic – let’s say eyeglasses – and make a list: ten videogame characters who wear glasses. The ten best? Ten worst? Ten sexiest? Whatever – the point is that before, you had 2000 words of filler to write; now, you have ten lots of 200, which is easy: just string together phrases you’ve heard elsewhere and you’ll have 200 words before you can think. Instant content!
Good old ‘content’. Not writing, exactly, but definitely words. You needn’t worry; gamers can’t tell the difference.
My point, I guess, is that good writing is good writing and bad writing is bad writing: There are stupid, pointless reviews and essays, and thoughtful, useful blog posts and list articles. And, uh, my other point is that more videogame-related writing should be about something, instead of about anything.
* * *
While I’m doing shout-outs, I’d like to say how pleased I am that Derek Yu over at TIGSource enjoys my Hilarity Comics! Total mutual admiration, Derek! (How sad, though, that a few of your commenters are apparently too clever to laugh at funny things. Truly, theirs is a high and lonely destiny.)
* * *
Oh and HEY WOW, dessgeega – she of Mighty Jill Off – made another game! It’s called Calamity Annie and I haven’t played it yet because I don’t have a mouse handy just now, but why don’t you play it and then tell me how good it is? Good idea!
I believe I have written the ‘Platonic videogame article’; the videogame article in its essential and ultimate form. So-called ‘games journalism’ has now reached its conclusion. You can all pack up and go home.
Please bear with us as, during the next few weeks, we transition from videogame-related content to exciting unicorn fiction for teens and young adults. (We welcome reader submissions.)
One’s appetite is whetted; it is not ‘to wet the appetite’ but ‘to whet the appetite’.
You wait with ‘bated breath’, not ‘baited breath’. Also, to bate is to moderate or restrain, so please think about the meaning of the phrase ‘to wait with bated breath’ before you slap it onto the end of your exclusive preview.
It’s ‘prima donna’, not ‘pre-madonna’. It’s Italian for ‘first lady’. What on earth is a ‘pre-madonna’? And don’t be so judgmental anyway, you fat cretin.
‘Infamous’ does not mean the same thing as ‘famous’. You are not paying your favourite game designer a compliment when you call him infamous. This one should be obvious but god, you people.
If you insist upon using the term, you could at least spell it right: ‘Cel-shading’, not ‘cell-shading’ – as in an animation cel. Oh, you don’t know what that is. But you’re writing about the style of it anyway. Of course.
We say (or we ought to) ‘without further ado’, not ‘without further adieu’. ‘Ado’ means ‘the stuff that is happening’ – so, if your presentation has been delayed by commotion or ceremony, you may begin it by saying, “Without further ado...” ‘Adieu’, as you surely must know, means ‘goodbye’. So what are you thinking when you write ‘without further adieu’? What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t know, do you? Because you don’t think; you DON’T THINK; god, I hate you. I hate you so much.
“Let’s kick off our up-to-the-minute coverage of Tokyo Game Show with a look at all the major booths on the show floor. It’s the next best thing to being there!”
Yes! Here is an interview with 
But of course, most list articles are terrible. Because the form makes writing so easy, and because it’s so adaptable, bad writers – actually, make that delusional non-writers; certainly the majority of videogame articles on the internet are penned by them – use it as a crutch. Got nothing to say? Feeble, flabby brain? Wouldn’t know an original thought if it cut your dick off – with its business card? Games journalist? Not to worry! Think of a topic – let’s say eyeglasses – and make a list: ten videogame characters who wear glasses. The ten best? Ten worst? Ten sexiest? Whatever – the point is that before, you had 2000 words of filler to write; now, you have ten lots of 200, which is easy: just string together phrases you’ve heard elsewhere and you’ll have 200 words before you can think. Instant content!
I believe I have written the ‘Platonic videogame article’; the videogame article in its essential and ultimate form. So-called ‘games journalism’ has now reached its conclusion. You can all pack up and go home.
