By: Dan Staines 02/07/09 01:40:45 PM

HOLYGODDAMNSHITWHATTHEHELL

Did you hear? Miyamoto said the new Zelda game is going to be much the same as all the other Zelda games Nintendo has made! Isn't that shocking? I know I'm shocked! skolskopskkpokfdjhofdajpdl[ei – you know what that is? That's me fainting on my keyboard. From shock.

Uh-oh! Look out – here comes another headline:

NEW iD SOFTWARE GAME TO FEATURE "MEN WITH GUNS"

wskshiuhfdksamoidmdamodmdkapxc;,c,;

(On a more serious note: big site-status update coming in just a bit. Stay tuned!)

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By: Patrick Alexander 26/03/09 05:48:08 AM

Our podcast ran away like a naughty podcast, but now it has returned home:

Downloadable MP3 here; RSS feed here.

Good discussion in this one, but as usual we must apologise for the dodgy audio quality, especially in the first third of the show, which for stupid reasons was particularly afflicted. And then a lawnmower starts going in the background, because Patrick is in Brisbane at the moment, and that’s what people do for fun in Brisbane – they mow the lawn. And they get snarky if you don’t mow yours. This is what Australians get on a high horse about – grass. All the cricket on TV is a bad influence if you ask me.

***

SHOW NOTES

Programme
(Blue text indicates music)

0:00 – Intro and sporting banter
2:45Wii Fit chat-chit
5:40 – This is about where the lawnmower comes in
9:17Cool Cool Toon and rhythm games
19:55Cool Cool Toon soundtrack – Yussa Yussa
23:00Cool Cool Toon, Ouendan, rhythm games, and parody vs. tribute
37:25 – Rhythm games: Making music better and also our brains
44:52Castlevania IV soundtrack – Submerged City
47:12 Castlevania IV discussion
51:30 – Attorney-General Michael Atkinson vs. Kotaku AU
1:11:43 – Wrap-up
1:14:02Ninomojo – Edge soundtrack – Kakkoi!

General Links

IGN’s infamous God Hand review
Michael Atkinson’s letter to Kotaku AU
Michael Atkinson’s further trolling

Music Links

Edge soundtrack – and a donation button, if you’re so inclined
Channel Nine’s Wide World of Bluey

***

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By: Dan Staines 31/01/09 11:49:13 AM

Row, row, row your pod, gently down the stream:

Downloadable MP3 here; RSS feed here.

Apologies in advance for the audible pops and clicks – apparently my mic is a giant piece of shit. I need to buy a new one, but I have no idea what kind to get. Suggestions, as always, are appreciated.

***

SHOW NOTES

Programme
(Blue text indicates music)

0:00 – Intro and grumbling
1:26
The Legend of Princess by Konjak
10:36 – Player-generated vs. designed narratives
16:26Street Fighter is rad
18:45Street Fighter 3: Third Strike – Gill's Stage
22:31 – The insanity of Kaz Hirai
45:11 – Nobody – Live at Magfest
49:28 – Chiptunes and SID music
52:13 – Great inauguration, but where were the videogames?
60:15 – Wrap-up
62:51 – Dan Staines – Titan

General Links

Konjak's site (developer of Legend of Princess and Noitu Love 2)
Hirai: We're the "official" industry leader
A glimpse into the horror of Home courtesy of UK: Resistance
Game Diary - January 21, 2009: Video Games’ Inauguration Irrelevance
Barack Obama Inauguration Site, Rendered Via ‘Fallout 3′
Obama Rep: White House Tech Is In An ‘Atari’ State
Obama Family Brings Gaming One Generation Closer to the Presidency
 

Music Links

The High Voltage SID Collection (enormous collection of SID music)
The Electromagnectic Music of Jupiter

***

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By: Dan Staines 19/09/08 09:17:07 PM

Hee hee hee!

And the best part? Instead of just taking it in his stride and admitting his mistake, Crecente blames CAG, as if they somehow made him post a completely unsubstantiated rumour on his award-winning SERIOUS GAMES JOURNALISM blog.

Hey, Brian? I'm pretty sure blaming others for your own gullibility isn't the sort of behaviour typically condoned by the Official Association of Proper Journalists. Maybe you should, I don't know, check the facts before posting your next big scoop. Just a thought.

(Thanks to our top-secret trusted source for the tip!)

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By: Patrick Alexander 22/03/08 03:11:03 AM

We have a real treat for you today! As a personal favour, Kotaku editor Brian Crecente set aside some time in his very busy schedule to create this video review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, exclusively for Eegra.

We poke fun at Kotaku from time to time, but in all seriousness, Brian is a class act and I'd like to thank him for his generosity and professionalism.

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By: Dan Staines 18/03/08 08:16:54 AM

BLOGGER THINKS NEW NINTENDO GAME IS OVERRATED! COMMENTERS ASCRIBE POPULARITY TO MINDLESS NOSTALGIA!

KOTAKU POSTS SOFTCORE NERD PORN TO GENERATE CHEAP HITS, PRETENDS IT’S ALL A FUNNY JOKE.

SURFER GIRL REGURGITATES LENGTHY POLITICAL SCREED INSTEAD OF POSTING RUMOURS ABOUT VIDEOGAMES. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.

EEGRA PUBLISHES SMUG SELF-REFERENTIAL BLOG POST ABOUT DUMB THINGS ON THE INTERNET. AUTHOR PATS SELF ON BACK FOR BEING SO CLEVER.

LOLLY. 

I am the man. You are the baby.

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By: Dan Staines 27/02/08 05:30:44 PM

Washed-up frontman for shit band seen buying videogame in London!

Tomorrow - somebody photographs Thom Yorke looking at a PlayStation 3!

Next week - Mario Bros. pillowcase.

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By: Dan Staines 19/02/08 03:31:09 AM

Following on from Brian Crecente's recent editorial at Kotaku, I'd like to offer my own take on the role of Ayn Rand's philosophy in Bioshock. It probably won't be as intelligent or insightful as Brian's analysis, but it should contain more swear words, and I know how you kids these days love pointless profanity, what with your rap music and such. So, anyway - here goes!

A horrifying glimpse of Bioshock's underwater dystopiaAyn Rand was a lady who lived in the 50s and had a lot of crazy ideas. Her craziest idea, next to the one about turning handicapped people into furniture, was that one day she wanted to build a big city under the sea and populate it with metaphors and moral dilemmas. In Bioshock by 2K Games, Ayn Rand's dream - or is it nightmare? - becomes reality. GAME reality!

The main character in Bioshock is a man named Andrew Ryan, who you will notice shares the same initials as Ayn Rand - 'A' and 'R'. This is not a coincidence! Wily game designer Ken Levine has done this on purpose, employing the literary device of 'using the same initials' to draw your attention to the fact that Ayn Rand and Andrew Ryan share many similarities. For example, both Ayn and Andrew sport immaculately groomed moustaches, hate the elderly, and support the ban on homosexual marriage. Andrew is perhaps more successful than Ayn in that he actually built - and subsequently destroyed - an undersea dystopia, but then Ayn went on Donahue, which doesn't even exist in Bioshock. So I guess it's a tie.

In any case, the point is that a lot of characters in Bioshock think Andrew Ryan is evil and crazy, but the reality is that - like Ayn Rand - he simply ate too many DNA brain slugs. Despite what crazy people like Jack Thompson and Ken Levine say, I feel this is the REAL and TRUE moral lesson that we as gamers should learn from Bioshock - that is, if you're going to eat slugs to gain superpowers, then try not to eat too many, because otherwise you might go nuts and have to be put down by a man in a beige turtleneck.

Whoops! I just realised - I completely forgot about the swears! Okay, well, as a poignant conclusion to what I hope you agree is a thoughtful and soul-stirring bit of modern philosophy, I offer you the following words: SHIT DICK DOODLE BUM

Think about that, friends. Think about it ... and PONDER.

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By: Patrick Alexander 18/02/08 06:40:48 PM

Once again, we trounce the increasingly redundant, good-for-nothing cretins at Kotaku, with their Star Fox birthday cakes, Pac-Man cross-stitch, and similarly ordinary, unexciting crap. Why waste your time with such floppy-dicked falderal, when here at Eegra -- and only here at Eegra -- you can marvel at this SPACE INVADER SNOW SCULPTURE, BITCHES!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAH!!

Top that, Kotaku! I bloody dare you!

(Taken at the recent Sapporo Snow Festival in, er, Sapporo.)

(Was it sent in by a reader, you ask? Of course it bloody was not. I braved the bitter, bitter cold of northern Japan, and walked around on my own legs, and took this photo of a videogame snowman myself, and adjusted the contrast in Photoshop with my own cracked and bleeding hands -- for you, dear reader, and for all the internet, and for future generations. THIS IS GAMES JOURNALISM, DEAR READER -- THIS IS BLOODY GAMES JOURNALISM RIGHT HERE.)

And now, a YMCK gachapon machine, outside a shop in Sendai that also sold their albums:

HOLY JESUS OF GOD!! I'm hyperventilating!

Seriously, call for help!

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By: Dan Staines 17/02/08 09:54:27 AM

Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.I’ve not read any of her books, and am only vaguely familiar with her ideas, so maybe I’m arguing from a position of ignorance here, but still – have you ever met someone who likes Ayn Rand that you didn’t want to kick in the balls? Admittedly, the same could probably be said of most people who like Nietzsche, but ... shutup. In any case, you don’t have to read Rand to know she’s an evil bitch: just look at her face, for God’s sake. It’s like her mouth was custom made to scowl at retards. Decent people don’t have features like that.

Anyway! The reason I bring this up is because Brian Crecente – hated final boss monster of Kotaku – has written an interesting (if wanky) analysis of Rand’s objectivism as it appears in Bioshock. Although Crecente forgets to define objectivism and explain how it manifests in the game (which I think was sort of the whole point of the article), he does get some guy who likes Rand to more or less call Ken Levine a worthless sub-human. I mean, those weren’t his exact words, but you can tell that's what he meant. It’s all in the subtext.

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By: Dan Staines 29/01/08 01:54:11 PM

Hot on the heels of those awesome Smash Bros. Brawl instruction manual images at Kotaku, we've managed to secure EXCLUSIVE, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN screenshots of what will probably be the biggest Wii game released this year - MARIO KART!

Are you ready? Here we go!

You won't get the joke unless you click the link above.

Wow!

Even then, you probably won't think it's much of a joke...

Amazing!

But it's not like I spent ages doing this update, so whatever.

WOT A WIZACE!

Phew! Are you guys as worn out as I am? Because, man, I'm pretty worn out! They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I reckon those particular pictures are worth at least a million. And then some!

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By: Dan Staines 22/12/07 06:34:20 AM

From Kotaku:

A 37-year-old Tennessee man was arrested yesterday for allegedly stabbing his uncle in the head and stomach after the two got into a fight, Chattanooga Police say.

Antonio Castillo is charged with attempted first-degree murder and aggravated assault. He was also wanted on an outstanding warrant out of Philadelphia for aggravated assault. His uncle, Luis Alberto Santana, was listed in critical condition Thursday night.

What’s a sordid little story like this doing on a blog about videogames? Beats the crap out of me. Is Antonio Castillo the CEO of Activision or something? I can’t for the life of me –  Oh! Wait a minute! Sorry, but it seems I’ve misquoted the original article, leaving out a crucial piece of information. Here’s how it’s supposed to read:

A 37-year-old Tennessee man was arrested yesterday for allegedly stabbing his uncle in the head and stomach after the two got into a fight over a video game, Chattanooga Police say.

IT'S EATING MY SKULL.Well! That changes EVERYTHING. They were fighting over a VIDEOGAME. It all makes sense now. You see, whenever crime is inspired by videogames, or involves videogames, or takes place near a store where videogames are sold, sites like Kotaku have a moral duty to report it. Even if the connection to videogames is tenuous to the point of total irrelevance, we still need to know because – videogames! Some people did some things and there were videogames! OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING AND DON’T SPARE A SINGLE DETAIL.

Jesus Christ. You guys (and I’m not just talking about Kotaku here) bemoan the media’s tendency to portray gamers as violent psychopaths, and then you go and regurgitate stories whose sole purpose is to ... portray gamers as violent psychopaths. Good idea! Because we all know that the best way to discredit sensationalist fear-mongering is not to ignore it completely, but rather expose it to as many people as possible.

Mmmmyep.

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