Quoted – without embellishment – from a disclaimer attached to a press release for the new Guitar Hero game:

Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-looking Statements:  Information in this press release that involves Activision Publishing’s expectations, plans, intentions or strategies regarding the future are forward-looking statements that are not facts and involve a number of risks and uncertainties.  Activision Publishing generally uses words such as “outlook”, “will,” “could,” “would,” “might,” “remains,” “to be,” “plans,” “believes”, “may”, “expects,” “intends,” “anticipates,” “estimate,” future,” “plan,” “positioned,” “potential,” “project,” “remain,” “scheduled,” “set to,” “subject to,” “upcoming” and similar expressions to help identify forward-looking statements. Factors that could cause Activision Publishing’s actual future results to differ materially from those expressed in the forward-looking statements set forth in this release include, but are not limited to, sales of Activision Publishing’s titles, shifts in consumer spending trends, the seasonal and cyclical nature of the interactive game market, Activision Publishing’s ability to predict consumer preferences among competing hardware platforms (including next-generation hardware), declines in software pricing, product returns and price protection, product delays, retail acceptance of Activision Publishing’s products, adoption rate and availability of new hardware and related software, industry competition, rapid changes in technology and industry standards, protection of proprietary rights, litigation against Activision Publishing, maintenance of relationships with key personnel, customers, vendors and third-party developers, domestic and international economic, financial and political conditions and policies, foreign exchange rates, integration of recent acquisitions and the identification of suitable future acquisition opportunities, Activision Publishing’s success in integrating the operations of Activision Publishing and Vivendi Games in a timely manner, or at all, and the combined company’s ability to realize the anticipated benefits and synergies of the transaction to the extent, or in the timeframe, anticipated. Other such factors include additional risk factors identified in Activision Blizzard’s most recent annual report on Form 10-K and any subsequent quarterly reports on Form 10-Q. The forward-looking statements in this release are based upon information available to Activision Publishing  and Activision Blizzard as of the date of this release, and neither Activision Publishing nor Activision Blizzard assumes any obligation to update any such forward-looking statements. Forward-looking statements believed to be true when made may ultimately prove to be incorrect. These statements are not guarantees of the future performance of Activision Publishing or Activision Blizzard and are subject to risks, uncertainties and other factors, some of which are beyond its control and may cause actual results to differ materially from current expectations.

In other words: Activision Blizzard is not God, and cannot be held accountable for the future of the universe.

Well, colour me disillusioned!

Everyone knows that press releases are created by pushing a microphone into a company executive's arsehole and taking dictation. We've gotten used to it and it's no big deal. OR IS IT??

Patrick -- who feels anger at things, and can be embarrassing to be around -- thinks it is. Humour this harmless madman by agreeing to read his meticulous deconstruction of a Sony press release, then feel shock and fear as you realise you cannot deny the truth of his words! Despair that you were not prepared for his world-shattering revelations, and wish, vainly, that you could somehow un-read them!

(Go on, it's pretty funny.)