Alternative titles:

Why Bother?

Getting Stuffed: The Role of the Enthusiast Press

Videogames and You: Two Things I Hate

What is Patrick’s Friggin’ Problem?

Where Are the Jokes?

This feature bought to you by HYPNO CROTCH – the only hypnotic crotch officially endorsed by Capcom!

Why wait? Get your very own HYPNO CROTCH today!

HYPNO CROTCH!

Says it all, really.

Remember back in March, I posted part one of a long and interesting interview with well-known genius Kenichi Nishi, creator of Chibi-Robo, Archime-DS, Captain Rainbow, Newtonica and happiness? And I probably said something like, "Shucks, I'll post part two real soon, hurpa durp!" in a dumb voice like that.

Well, here it is. A bit late I suppose, but it's not dated at all because I didn't ask any stupid questions like, "HUR, WHAT IS YOUR NEXT GAME KENICHI, THE WORLD MUST KNOW IMMEDIATELY!??"

As a result, this second half of the interview is as completely wonderful as the first. Click the link below to begin your enjoyment.

Who is the winner of last week's challenge? You will only know by reading this thing! Also there are cartoon fat men.

Mmmmm I can almost taste those fat men. Mmm, it smells like some of them are dressed as videogame characters. Mmmmmmmmm.

They're so close.

SONIC! THE WEREHOG!
What the fuck is he?
Who really knows?

SONIC! THE WEREHOG!
He's got new stretchy arms
But he lost Amy Rose!

SONIC! THE WEREHOG!
Okay, just read the feature now
Cause this intro blows.

NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
And over your neighbour's dog?
What's great for a snack
And fits on your back?
It's GOG, GOG, GOG!
It's GOOOGG, GOOOGGG! It's big, it's heavy, it's wood!
It's GOOOGG, GOOOGGG! It's better than bad, it's good!

“Let’s kick off our up-to-the-minute coverage of Tokyo Game Show with a look at all the major booths on the show floor. It’s the next best thing to being there!”

That’s the introduction I wrote to this photo feature. So when you click the link, you’re gonna see it again. Fair warning.

This is a special message for Google:

Cosplay, Bleach, Death Note, Mario, Naruto, Sailor Moon, Final Fantasy, Street Fighter, Some Bloody Manga Nobody Reads, blue woman, weirdos.

Also, boobs.

"[Roberta Williams] is described as hating all humanity, or more accurately creation, opposing God, spreading lies and wreaking havoc on the souls of mankind."

(Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Are you a ‘bedroom’ game designer? Better yet, are you a would-be bedroom game designer – passionate about videogames and eager to make one, but you don’t know where to start, or you’re finding it a bit overwhelming? Toronto’s Artsy Games Incubator may be of great interest to you! Oh yes. Great interest.

So, you know – read this interview I done did.

Yes! Here is an interview with Dessgeega, the creator of Mighty Jill Off, Calamity Annie, and other excellent things. I can tell you, honestly and enthusiastically, that this is a bloody good interview: long and meaty! She even tells us a little bit about her next game. But more importantly, she tells us about her ideas, her life, and her philosophy of game design. I bet you like a hundred dollars that this interview is way more interesting than the next interview you read with, say, Shigeru Miyamoto.

“What what? More interesting than Shigeru Miyamoto? But he is a very important genius!” True, dearest reader. But consider that the only people who get to interview Shigeru Miyamoto are cock-gobbling suck-ups, who ask stupid questions like, “Will there be another Zelda game? Is Nintendo planning another DS redesign?” Like that shit matters, you idiot! Just wait and find out! You get to interview Shigeru Miyamoto, and that’s what you want to know? Jesus christ, you must be the most boring fucker alive.

God.

So, yes: Dessgeega. Clicky clicky!

The recently released Skip game, Captain Rainbow features minor characters from Nintendo games of yore, fleshing them out and giving them a bright, new stage upon which to strut their respective stuffs. We all know this.

But how many of you were aware that this sort of thing is nothing new at all?

NOT MANY, I BET.

Holy obnoxious-fucking-smiley on a stick – it's a new episode of Rose and Camellia! And not just any episode! It's the goddamn penultimate instalment. That means that after this one, and the next one, and maybe an epilogue, there will be no more! 

IT'S A HUGE DEAL.

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.

Last year, before Eegra launched, I requested an interview of my hero, Tim Schafer, to which he kindly and generously agreed. "I'd be happy to answer some questions," he said. "If you email me some, and not too too many, I'll try to answer them asap."

Greedy fool that I was, it was not enough! I flung Tim's magnanimous offer back into his noble face. "NO!" I screeched. "It can't be an email interview; they're dumb! Dumb like you!" I demanded that he fly me to San Francisco and give me a three-hour face-to-face interview, then adopt me and raise me as his own. Anything less, I insisted, would be unacceptable; any other action, the action of a stingy, spiteful, fat-faced fiend.

He never replied to that email, and, long story short, we've ultimately had to do the interview without him.

YES

YES THE WINNERS ARE ANNOUNCED NOW

CLICK AND READ

I believe I have written the ‘Platonic videogame article’; the videogame article in its essential and ultimate form. So-called ‘games journalism’ has now reached its conclusion. You can all pack up and go home.

Please bear with us as, during the next few weeks, we transition from videogame-related content to exciting unicorn fiction for teens and young adults. (We welcome reader submissions.)

"The game is infamous for its large number of dead ends and obtuse puzzles. Late in the game Graham must navigate a frustrating maze where each room is rotated according to the character's perspective rather than being shown with north always at the top of the screen. There are several actions (or in some cases, the lack of an action) the player can take that render the game impossible to finish. These things can make King's Quest V difficult to complete without resorting to hints."

(Thanks, Wikipedia!)

We went to Supanova and promoted the website and met people and saw things with our eyes. Here is a feature all about that -- and more?

There's lots of photos, 'cause I know how you guys like that.

Oh and for Google I should mention that there is cosplay. COSPLAY COSPLAY COSPLAY.

Also grown men playing dress-ups.

The great thing about game mascots with cat faces is that anyone can make them at home, using toilet rolls, pipe cleaners and crêpe paper. Here are a few more examples to help you get started!

Here's a thing I wrote. It was originally going to be a blog post, but then it got long, so now it's a feature. I am nothing if not flexible.

Figuratively speaking.

It's time for another episode of everyone's favourite fan-fic masterpiece, Rose and Camellia - A Tale of Love, Loss, and Bitch Slapping. You can read the first two instalments here and here. Oh, and as always, if you haven't played the original Rose and Camellia flash game, do so here.

In other news, I've been playing The World Ends With You and I honestly don't get it. Everybody's been raving about this thing, saying it's the best RPG on the DS and rah rah rah, but man, I just find it boring and obnoxious. Can someone explain to me what's going on here? What am I missing?

Um...

Like the title says.

Now that I'm no longer in Japan, it's time to do a feature all about Japan!

Do you know about Engrish, readers and readerettes? If your answer is 'no', you ought to visit Engrish.com and learn all about it. YOU REALLY OUGHT.

Or, you could just read this feature! Actually that sounds like a better idea. Do that.

(It is just pictures, so no need to worry about straining yourself.)

GTAIV is very, very good and I think everyone should play it.

Everyone, that is, except for kids.

And old people.

And Patrick.

Hi there! Are you tired of long and tedious think pieces about videogame minutiae? Are you bored of endless Top 10 lists that exist solely to get a rise out of screeching adolescents? You are? Well, boy, do I have a surprise for you.

At long last, I am very, very happy to present the first half of my interview with Kenichi Nishi, the designer of LOL: Lack Of Love, Giftpia, Chibi-Robo, and most recently Archime-DS, soon to be released in Europe and Australia as LOL.

I also interviewed Fumihiro Kanaya, the programmer of Archime-DS, and Miki Tashiro of Skip, the game's publisher. This is because I am an interviewing machine that cannot be stopped.

Click the linky bit to read words -- words about Archime-DS, Skip and Nintendo's bit Generations games; words about Nishi's approach to game design; about his philosophies and dog. Meet a living treasure of the world of videogames.

Originally, this was going to be a big interview feature, not unlike Patrick's upcoming Kenichi Nishi thingy. Unfortunately, with the whole situation right now - you know, with the stock market and Iraq and everything - it didn't quite turn out that way. So here's a straight-up (and totally exclusive!) Q&A instead. Enjoy.

Inspired by the totally sane and reasonable people over at No Mutants Allowed, I've penned what I feel is a comprehensive and utterly irrefutable deconstruction of Bethesda's upcoming abomination  – Fallout 3.

Nowhere on the internet will you find such a detailed and persuasive attack on what is undoubtedly going to be the worst game released this decade. Nowhere, that is, except RIGHT HERE on Eegra.com!

Inspired by Daniel's masterwork-in-progress, I decided to write a fanfic. And what more deserving game to pay tribute to, than that exceptional and groundbreaking work of art, Bioshock.

I haven't actually played Bioshock, or read any reviews of Bioshock, or any promotional material, or even Bioshock's Wikipedia page. But I've seen it mentioned on videogame blogs, and I know how the story goes, pretty much.

Game of the year for sure, I reckon!

So here's our EXCLUSIVE preview of Sand Storm Revelations: The Official Mobile Game. And before anyone asks, yes - it is a real game.

No, I'm not going provide a link.

What? I don't know ... Google it or something. Jesus, you guys sure are demanding sometimes.

This is the second chapter of my romantic masterpiece, Rose and Camellia - A Tale of Love, Loss, and Bitch Slapping. You can read the first chapter here.

Once again, if you haven't played the Rose and Camellia flash game, then go ahead and do that before reading the story. It's supposed to be fan fiction, you see, so it helps if you're familiar with the source material. Plus, it's a fun game, so you should play it anyway.

(Assuming you like fun, that is. Maybe you don't. You kids these days, I don't know what.)

This was orginally going to be a little blog post on the new Deus Ex 3 trailer, but somehow it turned into a 1,000 word rant on the entire DX franchise, so I figure I might as well post it as a kind of mini-feature instead. This sort of thing tends to happen a lot with me and Deus Ex, which is why I'm not allowed to talk about it with my friends anymore. (My friends are pricks.)

As part of our ongoing plot to turn all the world's children into murderous psychopaths, I've gone and done a big wanky thinkpiece on using games in moral education. Even if you're not interested in ethics, you should still read it anyway, because it's crammed - and I mean crammed - with pornographic imagery.

Think I'm joking? Click the link and find out.

This is the first chapter of my romantic masterpiece: Rose and Camellia - A Tale of Love, Loss, and Bitch Slapping. 

Now, if you haven't been on the internet in the last year or so, you might not be familiar with the original Rose and Camellia flash game, in which case you should click this link immediately. Trust me, you won't regret it - it's great fun and playing it will make the story more entertaining to read.

Holy vagina panties, Batman! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just these gorgeous women?? Check out our hi-res collection of ugh duh bluh blooba-boobies guh huh SLOBBER BLOBBER UUUUUGHHH!!!

Premium Content available for EEGRA GOLD members. Join today!

Inspired by Tokyo Game Show, here is an ‘op ed’ about booth babes, which neither righteously condemns nor enthusiastically endorses their presence at trade shows. There's nothing in it for anyone to get angry about, I'm afraid, but if you're really keen, you're welcome to skip over the article and just get on with calling me a faggot in the forums.