The THIRD thing that sucks about Fallout 3 is that it’s being made for the Shitbox Shit Sixty. That’s right: the true inheritors of the Fallout legacy will be a pack of drooling Halo tards whose entire conception of ‘in-game dialogue’ is limited to the message they get whenever they frag a n00b. I mean, can you imagine a bigger slap to the face? WE are the ones who kept this franchise alive, WE are the ones who carried the torch, WE are the ones who stopped Fallout from slipping into Oblivion – and now we find out that’s exactly where THEY want it to go! And furthermore, that’s exactly where they’re going to take it! This is more than just casting pearls before swine: it’s STEALING pearls from a really smart chicken and THEN casting them before swine WHILE MAKING THE CHICKEN WATCH. It’s an insult and an obscenity.
Oh, but you know what the most sucktastic thing about Fallout 3 is? The thing that infuriates me above all else? YOU (probably) CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN. I can’t stress enough how profoundly moronic this truly is. In a sad and craven attempt to pander to the jackbooted fascists in charge of the ESRB, Bethesda has taken one of the most cherished elements of the Fallout universe and thrown it down the memory hole. This isn’t Aunty Beth’s Kiddy Fun Sunshine Hour – it’s fucking Fallout. It’s having sex with whores and selling drugs and shooting kids in the back with a sawn-off shotgun. Take these things away and what are you left with? Crash fucking Bandicoot is what. Crash Fucking Bandicoot Goes to Apocalypse Town.
You see, what you have to understand is that Fallout is OUR franchise. So watching Bethesda do THIS to it is like watching your only child get dunked headfirst into a wood chipper. And here you are – slack-jawed imbeciles clamouring to eat the gooey remains like a horde of ravenous ghouls. Please, grow some brains, for God’s sake. Free yourself from the sway of the corporate thralls that pretend to be journalists and do your own thinking! It’s really not that hard. In fact, I’ve just given you all the knowledge you need to get started.
But what you do with it ... well, that's up to you.
The THIRD thing that sucks about Fallout 3 is that it’s being made for the Shitbox Shit Sixty. That’s right: the true inheritors of the Fallout legacy will be a pack of drooling Halo tards whose entire conception of ‘in-game dialogue’ is limited to the message they get whenever they frag a n00b. I mean, can you imagine a bigger slap to the face? WE are the ones who kept this franchise alive, WE are the ones who carried the torch, WE are the ones who stopped Fallout from slipping into Oblivion – and now we find out that’s exactly where THEY want it to go! And furthermore, that’s exactly where they’re going to take it! This is more than just casting pearls before swine: it’s STEALING pearls from a really smart chicken and THEN casting them before swine WHILE MAKING THE CHICKEN WATCH. It’s an insult and an obscenity.
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