But! But but but! With all that said, let me again stress that Zeno Clash is not actually a bad game. And this is not just me trying to avoid feeling guilty for kicking the crap out of a plucky indie underdog – I genuinely mean it. Where the game wants for depth and visceral appeal, it is bolstered by its accessibility and frantic pace. In this sense, it's actually a bit like Smash Bros., especially with all the brawling and colourful characters and such.
However, unlike Smash Bros., Zeno Clash isn't comprised entirely of Nintendo's decaying intellectual property. Its world is a vibrant and unique one that at its best recalls games like Psychonauts and Giants: Citizen Kabuto. You will enjoy exploring it (to the extent that exploration is possible) because it is colourful and full of interesting things to see. Like dinosaurs, for example. And a giant hook-nosed hermaphrodite. And your girlfriend, who has a huge afro and talks like someone shoved a sock full of tranquilisers in her mouth. (I'm sorry, voice actor lady, but you know I'm telling the truth.)
So, in conclusion, Zeno Clash: it isn't incredible, but you'll probably enjoy it anyway. Plus, keep in mind that in buying this game, you are investing in the future of a talented new developer who is trying to do something different in an industry dominated by imitation. So even if you buy it and don’t like it very much, you can at least take solace in the fact that your money has gone to a good place. Unless you pirated it, in which case we all hope your PC explodes and showers you with deadly shrapnel.
FINAL SCORE: Three semi-naked women swimming in a pool of hair accessories
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