Following on from Brian Crecente's recent editorial at Kotaku, I'd like to offer my own take on the role of Ayn Rand's philosophy in Bioshock. It probably won't be as intelligent or insightful as Brian's analysis, but it should contain more swear words, and I know how you kids these days love pointless profanity, what with your rap music and such. So, anyway - here goes!

Ayn Rand was a lady who lived in the 50s and had a lot of crazy ideas. Her craziest idea, next to the one about turning handicapped people into furniture, was that one day she wanted to build a big city under the sea and populate it with metaphors and moral dilemmas. In Bioshock by 2K Games, Ayn Rand's dream - or is it nightmare? - becomes reality. GAME reality!

The main character in Bioshock is a man named Andrew Ryan, who you will notice shares the same initials as Ayn Rand - 'A' and 'R'. This is not a coincidence! Wily game designer Ken Levine has done this on purpose, employing the literary device of 'using the same initials' to draw your attention to the fact that Ayn Rand and Andrew Ryan share many similarities. For example, both Ayn and Andrew sport immaculately groomed moustaches, hate the elderly, and support the ban on homosexual marriage. Andrew is perhaps more successful than Ayn in that he actually built - and subsequently destroyed - an undersea dystopia, but then Ayn went on Donahue, which doesn't even exist in Bioshock. So I guess it's a tie.

In any case, the point is that a lot of characters in Bioshock think Andrew Ryan is evil and crazy, but the reality is that - like Ayn Rand - he simply ate too many DNA brain slugs. Despite what crazy people like Jack Thompson and Ken Levine say, I feel this is the REAL and TRUE moral lesson that we as gamers should learn from Bioshock - that is, if you're going to eat slugs to gain superpowers, then try not to eat too many, because otherwise you might go nuts and have to be put down by a man in a beige turtleneck.

Whoops! I just realised - I completely forgot about the swears! Okay, well, as a poignant conclusion to what I hope you agree is a thoughtful and soul-stirring bit of modern philosophy, I offer you the following words: SHIT DICK DOODLE BUM. 

Think about that, friends. Think about it ... and PONDER.