Hello to you, lover and hugger and squeezer of music and videogames and, most especially, the two in combination. My name is Patrick and I will be writing some words for you today.

Lament, for I, your beloved, have a sore throat, and am drowsy. But my ears are functioning perfectly, as are my laptop speakers, so RRRET’S GOOOOOOO!

VGMIX ROUNDUP

Oh my lord you guys, it’s the three most recent songs from the recently revived VGMix!

Nario – Chrono Trigger – Time Circuit (Artificial Mix)

Not a lot to say about this: It’s generic dance music, passable because it’s based on a nice tune. But the tune is smothered by a VERY LOUD DRUM BEAT who quite rudely elbows his way to the front of the music and YELLS A LOT. And while I’m complaining like a gran’pa, allow me to add that GOD DAMN THIS SHIT IS REPETITIVE.

Minyobi – Rocket Knight Adventures – Charge and Burst

OH CHRIST.

JESUS.

This is terrible. You know... it’s perfectly possible to make experimental, avant garde, loud and disharmonious music that sounds good. It really is! But it takes creativity and hard work, whereas all Minyobi wants to do is bang some boring shit into his computer, make it sound awful on purpose and go, “Hurrr, I’m clever!”

You’re not clever, Minyobi, you’re shit. And if you’re being ironic you can fuck off too.

mikeblastdude – Sonic the Hedgehog 3 – Third Jaunt

I’m guessing this earnest but quite bad piece is the work of a beginner, in which case, awww, how cute. If it’s not, though: BLEEEEEAH. Why would I listen to this, and not just the original music?

OC REMIX ROUNDUP

So, not the best day for VGMix. Let’s see if OC Remix can do any better. I’m only doing three songs, but I predict at least one solo piano piece!

Alex Fruen – Mega Man 2 – Heatman (Ignition Mix)

Where’s the song??

There was four minutes of muted buildup, then it stopped!

Shithouse.

Another Soundscape – Cheetahmen II – Livin’ Large!

Yes! Yes! Aw, damn, hell yes.

This is how you do it. This is how you repeat a short melody over and over and make it work. It’s funky – but also cute! And even a little bit dramatic. How was this achieved? Wizardry is my guess. It may also have something to do with the diverse but complementary selection of instruments: There’s enough variety for different treatments of the same progression, but not so different that they can’t be arranged in a coherent and gorgeous whole.

Download this one, and get your coherence and gorgeousness on.

(Isn’t it funny how that last song was four minutes long, and nothing happened, whereas this one is three minutes long, and everything happens? YES PATRICK THAT IS FUNNY, THAT IS HILARIOUS AND YOU ARE HILARIOUS.)

(Anyway the point is that this one, I have on repeat, whereas the other one, I’m gonna delete. Oh my god, REPEAT or DELETE – that should be a rating system!)

JigginJonT – Final Fantasy VI – A Day in the Life of a Gambler

I knew it! A solo piano piece! And from Final Fantasy VI, no less! Well done, Jiggin Jont, you are an OC Remix cliché. Don’t get me wrong, though – this piece is actually quite nice, if it’s the sort of thing you’re into. (Because of how dull you are.)

THE END

I feel sad for you, dear reader, because you have to download and listen to so much awful music, to fully appreciate my writing. Yes, you do. Do it now.

I will now have a quiet lie-down.

WHO WILL JOIN ME!!