Once there were two kittens called Quimby and Minge. I don’t know if you know this about kittens, but they love videogames. Jesus they do! And Quimby and Minge were no exception. “Mew mew!” declared Minge. “I love videogames terribly!” And she wriggled her pink nose.

Quimby was a strong-willed kitten, and wasn’t going to put up with this sort of thing from his playmate. He sat on top of Minge and said, “I love videogames too, even more terribly than you do. And anyway, I thought of it first.”

“I don’t care,” said Minge. She rolled into a ball. “I don’t care. Myow!”

“Yes you do,” Quimby insisted. “And you’re jealous that I love videogames more than you do.” He pounced at the air. Then he realised his tail was following him around and making fun of him, so he attacked it as ferociously as he could without hurting himself. “Gnyaw gnyaw gnyaw,” he went.

Minge watched him with some irritation. “You don’t even know what a videogame is,” she said at last.

Quimby was shocked. “Yes I do!” he retaliated. “Yes I do!” He skittered back and forth.

“What is it, then?” Minge demanded, poking her tongue out.

“You want to fight about it?” roared Quimby – at least, it was as close to a roar as he could manage: “Ryaaaow!”

“You bet your balls I do,” snapped Minge. “Meet me... IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET!”