NEW REVIEWS: Advance Wars, Advance Wars: Black Hole Rising, Advance Wars: Dual Strike, Advance Wars: Days of Ruin, Alone in the Dark, Bad Dudes, Flower, Ford Off-Road Racing, Ghosts and Goblins, GoldenEye 007, Gungrave, Katamari Damacy, Killzone 2, Mad World, Micro Machines, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge, Oregon Trail, Pandemic 2, PaRappa the Rapper, Penny Arcade: On the Rain Slicked etc., Shopping Cart Hero, Sonic Unleashed, Street Fighter IV, Vampire: the Masquerade – Bloodlines

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A

Ace Combat 5 (PS2)
By Farvana
Manly tears cried for Chopper

Advance Wars (GBA)
By shMerker
War! Now with brighter colors!

Advance Wars: Black Hole Rising (GBA)
By shMerker
War! Now with fewer mechs!

Advance Wars: Dual Strike (DS)
By shMerker
War! Now with bigger tanks!

Advance Wars: Days of Ruin (DS)
By shMerker
War! Now with more drama!

Alone in the Dark (Multi)
By Jeremy Pencil
A game so toxic
Playing it gives you cancer.
Bundle with a wig?

Altered Beast (Mega Drive/Genesis)
By Foghorn Deadhorn
Buffed-up naked dudes
Turn into ferocious beasts
How convenient

Animal Crossing (GCN)
By helic0n
Come visit my town
But please do not dig where I
Buried Kitt's body

Animal Crossing: Wild World (DS)
By Kapungo
All errands on hold;
I must get that last fossil.
Hours of life wasted.

Aquaria (PC)
Qizarate
Nice like a garden centre

Arkanoid (DS)
By Trace
Ball goes through both screens
It's so fucking distracting
Level ten is hard

Army of Two (Multi)
By PQQ3
Grinding to get golden guns

Assassin's Creed (Multi)
By Watcher’s Eye
No-one shall look in haystacks.

AudioSurf (PC)
By Trace
Pretty, neat, AND fun
AudioSurf stirs my loins
Too bad you need Steam

Audiosurf (PC)
By Unspoken
Rediscover songs
You'd forgotten all about
Oh, fuck you gray block!

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B

Bad Dudes (Arcade)
By Unspoken
Busy. Eating cheeseburgers with president.

Bangai-o Spirits (DS)
By Oranac
make them shoot at you,
fire special as they approach.
bomb trails, so pretty.

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts (Xbox 360)
By SuperStingray
Eight years we've waited
We wanted a platformer
Not vehicle-Spore

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts (Xbox 360)
By ShMerker
Motorized legos
commit the cardinal sin
of innovation

Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden (PC)
By ChaoticJack
Epic freeware game.
B-Ball and JRPG
Together at last!

Battlefield: Bad Company (Multi)
By Iain
Plot? Have some explosions instead.

Battletoads (NES)
By Foghorn Deadhorn
Two-player mode on
Toad-on-toad combat ensues
Controller thrown, ouch

Bioshock (Multi)
By helic0n
I'd no choice really
It's my fucking curse I guess
Round of golf, anyone?

Bioshock (Multi)
By Spoony
System Shock 2 sans fun.

Bioshock (Multi)
By Dan
One Little Sister
And suddenly I'm Hitler?
Subtlety, my arse.

Bioshock (Multi)
By matte_k
Would you kindly end better?

Bioshock (Multi)
By SuperStingray
In the aquatic
city of rapture, I've learned
men choose, slaves obey

Bioshock (Multi)
By Nigel
Hacking things with pipes?
The internet really is
A series of tubes...

Blaster Master: Blasting Again (PSX)
By TheReverendLei
3D isn't always an improvement.

Boktai (GBA)
By Captain Awful
Hell yes, use the sun?
Kill those fucking vampires
Shit, it's not daylight

Boppin' (PC)
by fluffy
Ancient shareware game
Brightly colored box puzzle
Make my eyeballs bleed

Braid (Xbox 360)
By LaserFist
Rewind time for her
Is the princess friend or foe?
Meaning is unclear

Bubble Bobble (NES)
By Angelfish_Titan
Two small dinosaurs
Turning badies into food
Go for the EXTEND

Bully: Scholarship Edition (Xbox 360)
By GreatTeacherJoe
Why play through the plot
When you can kiss little boys
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

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C

Castle Crashers (Xbox 360)
By SuperStingray
Multiplayer flop
Online gameplay is broken
Ride a pooping deer

Chrono Trigger (SNES)
By Ralphomon
Robot? Check. Frog? Check.
Kung-fu catgirl cavewoman?
Check. This game kicks ass.

ClayFighter 63 1/3 (N64)
By dr.hawty
Smell this action! What? Flab-Alanche!

Condemned - Criminal Origins (Xbox 360)
By Dan
Stalking through sewers,
thrashing bums with bits of pipe.
Just like CSI!

Cortex Command (PC)
By Reasonableman
Pixel-perfect terrain destroying action.

Crysis (PC)
By Tavirider
Technologically advanced Korean murder simulator

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D

Dance Dance Revolution (Multi)
By Tavirider
Dancing feels cool, looks opposite

Dance Dance Revolution (Multi)
By Gina
Thank god for sports bras
Strangers watch my every move
Hope my butt looks good.

De Blob (Wii)
By Trace
Colours everywhere
If this were for The Shindig
It would have SO won

Dead Rising (Xbox 360)
By defendestroyer
A time limit? Why, Capcom?

Dead Rising (Xbox 360)
By helic0n
Zombie killing fun
I can play dress-ups all day
The save system sucks

Dead Rising (Xbox 360)
By filth
Zombies left and right
Fighting for my survival
I'll take a photo

Dead Space (Multi)
By averagejoe
Not particularly scar-- OOGA BOOGAA!!

Death Note: Kira Game (DS)
By LemonySquares
So I'm L now, right?
Screw pursuing the Death Note
I demand cupcakes!

Defcon (PC)
By matte_k
Shall we play a game?

Deja Vu 2 (NES)
By TheReverendLei
Didn't we do this already?

Deus Ex (PC)
By Dan
Crawling through air vents
In a Parisian subway
Icarus found you

Deus Ex (PC)
By Adrian
kill, save or ignore
whoever and whatever
makes no difference

Deus Ex (PC)
By Cluebot
This game is a test
If the good guys chew you out
You're doing it wrong

Devil May Cry 3 (PS2)
By Ralphomon
Electric bat guitar. 'nuff said.

Dino Run (PC)
By helicopterp
Theses on God and
mortality pervade my
8-second doom-surf.

Dr. Mario (Multi)
By Gravity's Rhino
Chronic hyperstress with jolly colors.

Diablo (Multi)
By Meowayne
Kill things, loot them. Awesome.

DOOM (PC)
By thesockninja
PROTIP: To kill the
CyberDemon, shoot at him
until he explodes.

Duke Nukem 3D (Multi)
By fraxyl
Alien bastards!
Going to pay dearly for
Shooting up my ride.

Dwarf Fortress (PC)
By Kintak
Smiling dwarves commit graphic murder.

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E

EarthBound (SNES)
By Usernamehere
I wish it sold well.
PAL didn't get this fine gem.
I weep for Mother.

Earthbound (SNES)
By Gyro
It's Dragon Warrior
With more color, bats, yoyos
Admit it already

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars (PC)
By GreatTeacherJoe
Remember Quake II?
That game was pretty awesome
So what happened here?

Etrian Odyssey 2 (DS)
By TheReverendLei
Old Men, Brown Girls; Redux!

Excitebike 64 (N64)
By helicopterp
"Let's climb mountains," it
says, "Let's play soccer!" From two
wheels, then, springs the world.

Exit (PSP)
By Defendestroyer
Puzzles involving fat people climbing.

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F

Fable II (Xbox 360)
By Lightguy
What is this you say?
I can be sick on my child?
You have made a sale.

Fable II (Xbox 360)
By Dan
They call me hero
But their lives mean less to me
Than a waggly tail.

Fallout 2 (PC)
By Captain Awful
Beginning sucks ass
Too awesome for a Haiku
Punch someones head off

Fallout 3 (Multi)
By MegaPigeon
Just won a big fight
Against some super mutants
Then a car explodes

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (GBA)
By bananawithjoy
I hate you, goddamn judge.

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (GBA)
by Ralphomon
Marche is just a dick.
'No fantasy world for you!
Back in that wheelchair!'

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (GBA)
By unangbangkay
Marche is not a dick
Reality check's needed
Wishful thinking, bad

Final Fantasy VII (PSX)
By Foghorn Deadhorn
Best or worst ever?
Internet debate: rage on!
Important topic.

Final Fantasy X (PS2)
By Trace
Beautiful graphics
RPGs are my weakness
I used a walkthrough

Fire Emblem (Multi)
By JohnH
Perish Corporal Pissboy? Restart battle.

Flower (PS3)
By fluffy
flOw minus enemies plus nausea

Ford Off-Road Racing (PC)
By Jeremy Pencil
All the excitement
of waking up paralysed -
Dad's cock in your mouth.

Forgotten Realms: Demon Stone (Xbox)
By Soyvoyage
God of war, with boringness.

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G

Garry's Mod (PC)
By Miss Eien K.
Put wheels on G-Man
Add some thrusters, and you're set.
Fly him to the moon.

Gauntlet II (Arcade)
By Tavirider
Angle shots at bones
Blue Elf is about to die
Insert quarters fast

Gears of War (Xbox 360)
By helic0n
Such bad-ass man-love
Marcus, Dom, Baird and Cole Train
Look at all dat juice!

Gears of War (Xbox 360)
By AbraCadaver
Characters, so large.
Makes me want to work out...
Actually, no.

Ghosts And Goblins (Multi)
By Icebox
I Am Firebrand,
Feel My Wrath Across The Land,
You're Pretty Much Screwed

GoldenEye: 007 (N64)
By Jeremy Pencil
Photoreal, back then;
With modern technology
A grey blob, on black.

Gran Turismo 4 (PS2)
By Airport Whiskey
Going quick 'round Fuji
Two-sixty into the wall
No need to restart

Grand Theft Auto IV (Multi)
By SuperStingray
Niko Bellic has
come to America to
bowl with his CUHZEEN

Guitar Hero (PS2)
By ChaoticJack
Holy shit, I'm rad.
But give me a real guitar
And I'm crap again.

Gun (Multi)
By JadedLion
Behold gray matter
Explosions of molten lead
A gun fight porno

Gungrave (PS2)
By Jalo The Okay
I will shoot you dead
Then smack you with my coffin
I'm undead, bi-atch.

Gyrostarr (Wii)
By Raezr
Wasn't worth the ten bucks.

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H

.hack Series (PS2)
By Captain Awful
So I'm not online?
But I'm pretending I am?
Talk about grinding

Half-Life (Multi)
By Dragonmaw
Holy shit, explosions and headcrabs!

Half-life 2 (Multi)
By Dragonmaw
What is with Gordon?
Looks at Alyx longingly
Never makes his move

Half-Life 2 (Multi)
By Kintak
Physicist returns;
Saves city from a traitor.
Also he's Jesus.

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I

Ico (PS2)
By Watcher’s Eye
Holding hands with strange girl

Immortal Defense (PC)
By Plainclothesman
Slaughter the Bavakh,
Helpless in hyperspace lanes.
Immortals are dicks.

Spanky's Quest (SNES)
By PsychoWardJester
Inexplicably attacked by sentient fruit...

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J

Jet Set Radio Future (Xbox)
By Exile 824
Prettiest horrible dystopian future ever

Jet Force Gemini (N64)
By helicopterp
This colorful world,
while pretty, still needs a splash
of Tribal blood, yes?

K

Katamari Damacy (PS2)
By Jalo The Okay
This soundtrack kicks ass
I want to roll you up, son,
Up into my life

Kid Icarus (NES)
By BradOFarrell
Why did I just die?
Wait, the hearts are currency?
I don't get this game.

Killzone 2 (PS3)
MegaPigeon
Cockney Space Nazis? I'm sold.

Korg DS-10 (DS)
By helicopterp
I don't need friends to
get crunk. Last night was just me
and my sequencer.

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L

La Mulana (PC)
By Hempuli
Oh, I mustn't hit that?

Left 4 Dead (Multi)
By Dino
There are lots of zombies
You should shoot them with your guns
Why my brains, zombies?

Left 4 Dead (Multi)
By filth
Endless Zombie rush
Diseased gropping hands and fists
Where is my shotgun?

The Legend of Zelda (NES)
By BradOFarrell
Everything is brown,
This doesn't look mystical,
It looks like Texas.

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (GB)
By chuanoplast
You really want to awaken?

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (GB)
By ShadowXSnake
Such an awesome game
Listen to those bad-ass songs
Hell yes BOMB ARROWS

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (N64)
By Usernamehere
"Believe in yourself."
Better then "Ocarina".
The moon’s falling now.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
By ShadowXSnake
Dawn of the first day
How nice, this place looks pleasant
Oh shit, moon falling

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (DS)
By Nick
Yelling in public; apparently illegal

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap (GBA)
By The ReverendLei
GOD DAMN BIRD, SHUT UP

The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Multi)
By bananawithjoy
Ooccoos give me nightmares. Serious.

Lemmings (Multi)
By Kapungo
Fickle critters walk
An unceasing path in vain.
Self-destruct is fun.

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M

Mad World (Wii)
By Jermey Pencil
Desperate to survive,
But too worried about AIDS
To push pole through face.

Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games (Multi)
By The flying banana
Great in theory, so's communism.

Mario Kart Wii (Wii)
By averagejoe
sad resignation
coming from the guy in first
"God DAMmit. blue shell"

Mario Strikers Charged (Wii)
By The Win
Steal, Deke, Kick, Pass, Megastrike!

Mass Effect (Multi)
By ChaoticJack
Blue alien sex.
Virtual orgasmic rape.
'Least, that's what I heard.

Mass Effect (Multi)
By Ten-High Charlie
Only good for making lesbians.

Mega Man (NES)
By Abracadaver
Played through again.
Was it always so tough?
won't do that again.

Mega Man 3 (NES)
By BradOFarrell
When I was a kid,
I thought Proto Man was deep,
I'm a weeaboo.

Mega Man 9 (Multi)
By helicopterp
"That Dr. Wily
is a card!" said my roommate
after his twelfth death.

Mega Man: Powered Up (PSP)
By Rixx
This game is awesome
And it was made just for me:
Only I bought it

Metal Gear Solid 2 (Multi)
By Smilie
Up yours, Hideo,
For Raiden and the ending,
Why do I love you?

Metal Gear Solid 4 (PS3)
By helic0n
Snake’s final mission
Nice cut-scenes Kojima-san
Can I play it now?

Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (GCN)
By Kaatridge
So you've been playing
Super Mario Sunshine
go switch controllers

Meteos (DS)
By helicopterp
Select gravity
as you would a mask. Spacemen
should be so lucky.

Metroid Prime (GCN)
By The Flying banana
A steep learning curve
means the very first boss is
the size of a house.

Micro Machines (Multi)
By Jeremy Pencil
Happens every time -
Just when I think I have won
I fall in the milk

Mirror's Edge (Multi)
By Smut
Jump around and fall hard.

Mischief Makers (N64)
By Rixx
Time to grab and throw
With these hands, who needs to punch?
I CAUGHT A LASER

Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge (PC)
By Icebox
Deep In The Tropics,
Voodoo Stirs and Yawps for Blood,
Life's A Bitch, NO DEATH!

Monster Hunter (PS2)
By dr.hawty
Kill what now? Crap, RUN!

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (Multi)
By averagejoe
Sigh... okay, I see
Superman's weak to magic?
Fuck, get Dumbledore.

Mother 3 (GBA)
By Usernamehere
Rad battle system.
Tap "A" to the rhythm
for extra damage!

Mother 3 (GBA)
By Rixx
EarthBound's whimsy world
Prepared for hilarity
Got that, and heartbreak

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N

NiGHTS: Journey into Dreams (Wii)
By Gatas Brilhantes
Please stop talking you
Wretched feathery cuntsock
Just let me explore

No More Heroes (Wii)
By raezr
Don't worry that all
the graphics and levels suck.
It's part of the joke!

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O

Oblivion (Multi)
By Valdez_Leel
Not much to do here.

Oblivion (Multi)
By helic0n
Hero of Kvatch
Killed by bandits with glass swords
Horse armour no help

Oblivion (Multi)
By Kaatridge
Flying, flying in the sky.

Oblivion (Multi)
By TheReverendLei
How did the guards know
About that goat? Stop right there
you criminal scum!

Odin Sphere (PS2)
By unangbangkay
Beautiful 2D
Plant, Feed, Grow, Kill, Eat Sheep-Fruit
Norse Myths = The Fun Times.

Okami (PS2/Wii)
By Soyvoyage
Zelda, but you draw circles.

Orbient (Wii)
By helicopterp
Private music, self past
control, slave to alluring
satellites afire.

Oregon Trail (PC)
By Smilie
Shoot deer for only
100 pounds of meat?
Up yours, silly game.

Oregon Trail (PC)
By Unspoken
"Let's all head out west!"
"But you sold all of our clothes."
"... Dysentery blows..."

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! (DS)
By chuanoplast
Hand is cramped so bad.

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! 2 (DS)
By dr.hawty
Skillful dancing solves any problem.

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P

Pac-Man (Multi)
By Captain Awful
Yellow puck gobbles
While ghosts chase him. Poor Pac-Man
Addicted to dots

Pac-Man Championship Edition (Xbox 360)
helicopterp
Only five minutes
to crown oneself the brand-new
King of Pellet Chains

Pandemic 2 (PC)
By Francis Paddington
A cough in Brazil,
Orders in Madagascar:
Shut down everything!

PaRappa The Rapper (Multi)
By Vince
Master Onion shouts
"Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind!"
Anything for her

Patapon (PSP)
By XWonka
Bang drum, holy one
The enemy is in sight
and we have fever

Penny Arcade: On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness (Multi)
By 4lettersdown
Damn that title's long
Gabe and Tycho doin' stuff
Robot fucks the fruit

Persona 3 (PS2)
By EJ
It's just like high school
Except with magic powers
Also, I have friends

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (DS)
By PQQ3
Underdog lawyer
Will turn the case around
The witness did it

Pikmin (GCN)
By The flying banana
My whole army gone
Eaten by some toad-like thing.
And my time grows short.

Pikmin 2 (GCN)
By helicopterp
"Collect junk." Hence, we
interrupt ecologies.
Corporate. Mundane.

Planescape: Torment (PC)
By helic0n
Man's nature can change
Experience demonstrates
Or is it belief?

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time (DS)
By Trace
Infuriating
Why must I start with Squirtle?
He's such a pansy

Pop (Wii)
By Kaatridge
Let's pop some bubbles!
Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop!
Well, that's it, really.

Portal (PC)
By BradOFarrell
I did not play it,
But I know that it's a meme.
"The cake is a lie!"

Portal (PC)
By Usernamehere
I felt no regret
Euthanising the heart-box.
I wasn't disturbed.

Portal (Multi)
By averagejoe
Shock absorbing shoes a plus.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Multi)
By PQQ3
Crud, I missed the jump,
L button makes it better,
Crud, I missed again.

Psychonauts (Multi)
By The flying banana
Pyrokinesis
to be used responsibly
and to burn squirrels.

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Q

Q-Bert (Multi)
By GreatTeacherJoe
@#*$ @*#&$%
@&$* &#@&@ !($*%
Did he just say fuck?

Quake III (Multi)
By JadedLion
Spinning through the air
Your eyes are liberated
Rail gun dentistry

R

Rape Games (Multi)
By Captain Awful
Mash buttons with haste
Whipping, sucking, it has all
Cut off someones face

Ratchet and Clank (PS2)
By Gina
Dude! Gadgets are freakin' RADICAL.

Ratchet and Clank (PS2)
By Farvana
Blow shit up. Jump. Repeat.

Red Ninja: End of Honour (PS2)
By Gina
Decapitate heads!
With a freakin' ninja wire;
Stealthy gore is cool.

Relentless: Twinsen's Adventure (PC)
By liamegan
Mecha Penguins march
Magic Balls collide
kaboom

Resident Evil 4 (Mutli)
By Dan
His axe is on fire!
Got no time to smoke a bowl!
Shoot him in the head!

River City Ranson (NES)
by shMerker
Kicked in the face? Barf!

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S

Samurai Warriors 2: Empires (PS2)
By Farvana
Wait, they actually improved it?

Shadow of the Colossus (PS2)
By Angelfish_Titan
Must revive my girl
Taking down beasts beyond huge
Climbing up crotch beards

Shadow the Hedgehog (Multi)
By The flying banana
An emo hedgehog
Whines about his awesome skills
Kind of like Spidey.

Shopping Cart Hero (PC)
By Kaatridge
My rocket trolley
crashes into the ground, so
'nother groupie, please

Siren Blood Curse
By Dan
Picture MGS
With zombies instead of fun
And fewer cut scenes

Silent Hill (PSX)
By Meowayne
Tormented wheelchair-girl? Bloody hell.

Silent Hill 2 (Multi)
By helic0n
"Mary, aren't you dead?"
James doesn't really care though
Maria will do

Sim City 2000 (PC)
By XWonka
Develop tediously or type buddamus.

Sim City 3000 (PC)
By Unspoken
Capitalism
Just what video games need
Sim Stock Market next?

Sin Episodes: Emergence (PC)
By Ten-High Charlie
Holy shit there's rendered vaginas.

Sinistar (Arcade)
By Tavirider
Dodge warrior shots
Mine Sinibombs too slowly
Run, coward! I live.

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood (DS)
By GreatTeacherJoe
You know what's more fun?
Showering with a toaster
While it's still plugged in

Sonic the Hedgehog (Multi)
By JohnH
Running fast, I jump: DEAD?!

Sonic the Hedgehog (Xbox 360)
By SuperStingray
Bestiality
World's longest loading times
Super shovelware

Sonic Unleashed (Multi)
By MegaPigeon
Could it really be?
Has Sonic returned to form?
Oh, wait. Never mind.

Soul Calibur IV (Multi)
By Dragonmaw
Oh, Soul Calibur?
Let me win by flailing hands
Mash buttons wildly

Space Invaders Extreme (DS)
By helic0n
Pew-pew-pew pew pew!
Pew pew-pew pew pew-pew pew!
Oh bugger I died

Spectrum Spelunker (PC)
By Gina
I am so happy!
Go, Hue, go! Jump, shoo-WAIT! No!
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN

Spelunky! (PC)
By shMerker
With fingers on keys
I peered down into the depths
And plunged in again

Spelunky! (PC)
By Usernamehere
Rogue-like platforming
results in amazing deaths
every game-over

Spore (PC)
by Skamocore
Creature Creator:
I will conquer the world with
my penis monster

Star Fox 64 (N64)
By DGPrivateEye
Fly through some rings Fox
Andross is at it again
Do a barrel roll

STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl (PC)
By ChaoticJack
Magical vodka.
Radiation sickness gone
Once you're off your face.

STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl (PC)
By ChaoticJack
Inaccurate weapons cause much grief

Street Fighter III: Third Strike (Multi)
By Dan
GODFUCKINGDAMNIT
Gill's a cheap, cheating bastard
Control-pads are thrown

Street Fighter IV (Multi)
By Captain Awful
Seth's crotch beckons me
Sucking me into it's depths
Ejaculated

Super Mario 64 (Multi)
By SuperStingray
I'd hate to be Peach
living in a castle with
nothing but paintings

Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)
By Captain Awful
Jump man can fly now
Hit bricks, save peach, kill bowser
Lots of fun for all

Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels (NES)
By Usernamehere
Making "Lost Levels"?
Just add more hammer brothers.
Instant frustration.

Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
by fluffy
Help me, I'm upside-down!

Super Mario Galaxy
By EJ
Bright and colourful
Adventures with gravity
U R MR GAY

Super Mario Sunshine (GCN)
By SuperStingray
This is paradise:
everybody is fat and
has trees on their heads.

Super Mario World (Multi)
By hempuli
There is a faster way.

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (Multi)
By Poisonedv
Hint: Touch fuzzy, get dizzy

Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)
By helicopterp
Behind the mascots
lurks an obsession to be
everything at once.

Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance (PC)
By Farvana
Large and explodey. Near perfect.

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T

Taiko no Tatsujin (Multi)
By bananawithjoy
Squealy J-Pop Song,
The drums talk and make me laugh.
I beat them to death.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (Multi)
By ChaoticJack
Why oh why oh why?
Why oh why oh why oh why?
Decent coaster, though.

Tetris (Multi)
By Tywatt
The lines build upwards
The same one block keeps falling
I can't make it fit

Tetris (Multi)
By Meowayne
Must stop humming catchy tune.

Thief: The Dark Project (PC)
By helic0n
Into the shadows
While the guards chatter away
I wait and wait and…

Tokobot PLUS; Mysteries of the Karakuri (PS2)
By Gina
I think, whilst playing
That I should be really bored
But they're just so cute!

Tony Hawk's Project 8
By JadedLion
Hollow ring of rail
Epic combo in the sky
Is it fun or fake?

Touhou 8: Imperishable Night (PC)
By Farvana
Girls in frilly dresses
Never thought bullet hell would be
Emasculating

Trap Gunner (PSX)
By ZeroNumber
Robot roller girl
Shooting missiles from her butt
Fighting a ninja

Trauma Centre (DS)
By Watcher’s Eye
Slice slice slice dead FUCK.

Tropico (PC)
By TheReverendLei
It's like Sim City.
Except you're Fidel Castro.
Smell that Cuban air.

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U

Ultima VIII (PC)
By Patrick Alexander
Who is the villain,
Guardian or Avatar?
Neither: it's EA.

Ultima IX (PC)
By Patrick Alexander
Richard Garriott,
What happened to you, man?
Ultima Online.

Ultima Underworld: The Stygian Abyss (PC)
By Reasonableman
A fantastic game
The paterfamilias
Of the Elder Scrolls

Ultimate Ghosts and Goblins (PSP)
By Defendestroyer
Pussy. Try out Ultimate mode.

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V

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines (PC)
By Ensenada
In the ghost hotel
Severed head in the dryer
Drac just wet his cape

Viewtiful Joe (PS2)
By Defendestroyer
Slow motion beatdown. 'Nuff said.

Virtual On (Arcade)
By helicopterp
Working with two sticks
was, of course, thrilling to me
in adolescence.

Viva Piñata (Xbox 360)
By DGPrivateEye
Bought for twenty bucks
Simply addictive gameplay
No sex just dancing

Viva Piñata (Xbox 360)
By Aussie Ben
Have family sex
You bright papered cannibals
Kids cheer upon death

W

Wario Land: The Shake Dimension (Wii)
By Lightguy
Shake things for treasure
But don't try it on infants
They rarely have gold

Wario Ware: Smooth Moves (Wii)
By Kapungo
Shake, brush, chop, avoid.
Three seconds to complete task.
Now I look stupid.

Wii Fit (Wii)
By fluffy
Standing on bathroom scale: boring

Wimbledon Tennis (Game Gear)
By helicopterp
Time, shame, and joy hang
in the sweat of a backhand,
a lob's gentle arc.

The Witcher (PC)
By Dan
Schedule for today:
Kill monsters, play dice, punch drunkards
Then bed comely wench

Wizball (C64)
By Dan
Cabbage seeks colour
For planetary paint job
Space cat optional

Wizkid (Amiga/Atari ST)
By BiggerJ
Floating head hero
Can get body, chews condoms
Like they're bubblegum

World of Goo (Multi)
By helicopterp
Support and collapse
color our hope just as they
color our physics.

World of Goo (Multi)
By shMerker
Towers so high, so hopeful.

World of Goo (Multi)
By The flying banana
Patiently building
a stable tower that won't
fall ov- GOD DAMN IT!

World of Warcraft (PC)
liamegan
All work and no play
for very little affray
yet addiction ensues

World of Warcraft (PC)
By Captain Awful
Steal from Ever-Quest
At least we changed a little
We made it dumber

World of Warcraft (PC)
by Skamocore
Eating and Sleeping
Might just be neccesary
to your survival

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X

X-Com: UFO Defense (PC)
By z0ltar
Aliens invade,
Shooting green shit at my guys.
Let them die, I say

X-Men (Arcade)
By shMerker
Two screens? Six players? Awesome!

Xenogears (PSX)
By nvanderh
Giant robots fight
Second disk is all cutscenes
Fucking Japanese

Xevious (Arcade)
By JadedLion
Another quarter
Fuels my Solvalou fighter
Dreams of level two

Y

You Have to Burn the Rope (PC)
By SuperStingray
This game has two steps.
One: You have to burn the rope.
Two: Watch the credits.

Yume Nikki (PC)
By Farvana
Girl sorting her mind
Wandering isn't much fun
But big bricks were shat

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Z

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (NES)
By Usernamehere
"Innovation rocks".
Zelda II is contrary.
Unique yet hated.

Zork: Grand Inquisitor (PC)
By blakeduv
Going door-to-door
Our vacuum salesman hero
Was eaten by Grues.

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