ARE YOU READY TO DO SOME ARSEFUCKING?!

You better be, because in Hermies the Game, it’s arsefuck or be arsefucked! In this exclusive Eegra.com guide, you’ll learn everything you need to become the god of sodomy. Not only will we teach you how to arsefuck like an Olympic gold medallist arsefucker, we’ll also show you how to avoid getting fucked in return – even if you’re the target of five dicks or more!

So lemme ask you again:

ARE YOU READY TO DO SOME ARSEFUCKING?!

Yeah? Yeah! Alright! Then let’s go fuck us some arses!

GAME OVERVIEW

 
In Hermies the Game, you control the eponymous Hermies: a long-time bisexual who has been fucked in the arse his whole life, and now wants to do some fucking of his own. The goal of the game is to float Hermies (who I forgot to mention is a disembodied pelvis) around the barren gameworld, fucking arses, avoiding dicks, scoring points, and acquiring power-ups. These power-ups are:

THE BATTERY: Makes Hermies vibrate violently, thereby turning him into an automatic arsefucking machine!

THE CAMERA: Creates a powerful flash that stuns all nearby enemies for a couple of seconds, leaving them vulnerable to repeated penetration.

THE DILDO: Use this to plug your butthole and protect it from the rampaging cocks of your enemies!

THE BLUE CIRCLE THING: I’m not sure what this does, actually. I think it’s supposed to represent a condom, which I think means you can fuck the Magic Blue Arses for more health. But I dunno.

Oh, that reminds me!

MAGIC BLUE ARSES

Hermies, like all the other pelvises in this game, has ten health points. Every time Hermies is fucked in the arse, he loses a point. If Hermies loses all his points, he dies – presumably of a ruptured colon – and it’s game over for you. But don’t worry! That’s why the Magic Blue Arses are there!

Situated in the centre of arsefuck arena, Magic Blue Arses replenish one point of health for each time they’re penetrated. I think. Sometimes they don’t seem to give you any health at all, no matter how many times you fuck them, but I don’t know if that’s a feature or a bug or what. Anyway, the point is that you GOTTA make sure to fuck the Magic Blue Arses whenever your health drops. Remember: anything below five is in the dangerzone. And despite what Kenny Loggins thinks, the dangerzone isn’t a great place to be. There’s danger there.

Also: you’re not the only one who can use the Magic Blue Arses. Wily enemies also benefit from their regenerative powers, so you have to be diligent in preventing them from dipping in. There’s nothing worse than spending ages trying to fuck a pelvis to death, only to have it go and replenish itself at the nearest Magic Blue Arse.

Page 1 2 >>