Mission Walkthroughs

MISSION 4: Cap them babies!

Your goal in this mission is to help an abortion doctor fulfil his (?) quota by shooting unborn foetuses with an assault rifle. It isn’t particularly tricky – all you really need to remember is that you get a bonus for twins and that shooting fat people who aren’t actually pregnant will end the mission. As soon as you get 20 or more, go tell the doctor and collect your heroin.

MISSION 12: Osama Bin Laden is a cool dude

This isn’t a mission so much as an introduction to the Osama Bin Laden character. All you need to do is drive to Osama’s rape cave and smoke some marijuana with him while listening to Hitler's speeches on cassette tape. Just remember to press the X button every time Osama asks for the bong and you'll be golden.

MISSION 22: Molest we forget

The only thing – the ONLY thing – you need to know about this mission is this: when you’re rubbing the testicles of the deceased war veteran, make sure his widow can see. Also, don’t rub too vigorously or some bits will fall off and you’ll have to do the mission again.

MISSION 30: Outsourcing

A fun little mission, the goal here is simply to give as many American jobs to shifty foreigners as you can within a 2:00 time limit. We found a good strategy is to pick a suitably large company, shoot every white person it, and then have the Mexicans who hang out near the malt liquor store come in and take their jobs. Or, if you already own the pornography company, you can just outsource your customer service positions to India.

MISSION 50: A happy ending

This isn’t actually a mission – it’s simply the cut-scene you get after you murder the Pope during the game's finale.