Communism

Price: Only your chains, friend.
Marxness: 10
Engelness: 5
Stalinness: 1000

I know what you're thinking: you're thinking that Communism is for despots and angry university students. But you're wrong! Communism – or as we like to call it, Communizzle – is THE hot new item for 18-35 year olds. Like Apple's iPod, Communism has become an integral part of the urban lifestlye, and is widely considered an essential accessory for the young professional. If you don't have Communism, or at least know someone you can borrow Communism from, then nobody attractive will ever want to have sex with you ever again. You'll be stuck fucking fascists and neo-cons like this:

You see that, fellas? If you don't get some Communism fast, that will be your wife. Every night you will have to make love to it while it shrieks about Islam and homosexuals. Oh, but don't you laugh, ladies! Cause guess who you'll have to marry should you fail to catch the crimson tide?

Yeah. Think about that.

Final Score: Loz gappie!