This is hilarious, and deserves more attention than it's likely to get in the dingy internet backwater that is POE News. Here is a quote:

If you are bald like me, you can just forget about tricking people into thinking you're not. Consider hats. Regard them. Generally speaking, hats are great for bald people, because we have a "natural weakness" to "fire damage" from the sun. But don't ever wear a hat to hide the fact you are bald. Eventually you are going to have to take it off, and then everyone will think, "Oh, he's bald. Well, I guess I will start ignoring everything he says or does. I will also stop having sex with him, if that is what I am doing right now."

For more handy fashion tips like these, please consult the half-naked teenagers in our banner ads, or at American Apparel.com!

We had something of a hiccup with our domain name, but everything's fixed now! Hooray!

Hello! I've done some things lately. Would you like to see?

First of all, I did this thing, which is a review of the eyeball explodingly good Super Mario Galaxy 2. For those of you too lazy or distinterested to click the link, here's the tl;dr version: it's more Mario Galaxy.

I also did this thing, which is also a review, this time of the nostril flaringly fantastic Persona 3 Portable. Playing this game has triggered a sort of existential crisis in me: it's so fucking anime, but it's also so fucking good. This naturally raises a very important question: WHAT HAVE I BECOME? Click through for the exciting answer!

Anyway, that's all the things I have to show you for now. Check back next week for more! Maybe!

ALSO: Have you mangs and mangettes seen A Serious Man? How fucking GREAT is that film?

Finn Morgan being the dude who made the very excellent, third-prize winning Shindig entry,Colourbind.

And what did Finn Morgan have to say in this email? Well! What DIDN’T he say? My, my, my, he said ALL SORTS of things. HATEFUL things. Poisonous, HURTFUL things that stung my soul to its very core. Things that I dare not repeat lest they infect you with their corrosive venom.

Oh wait, sorry – it wasn't Finn Morgan who sent a crazy hateful tirade ... it was Mel Gibson! Hee hee! What an hilarious mistake on my part!

*flirts with Paul Shaffer*

Anyway, the real reason Finn wrote to me was because he wanted to let everyone know that he’s making a SEQUEL to his excellent, third-prize winning Shindig entry, Colourbind. Hooray!

Called Colourbind 2: Bind Harder (not really), Finn says it’s going to have all sorts of neato new features, like better graphics and ... such. Actually, why don't I just quote the email directly? Here you go:

[I've] been working on it for a while now. Probably will be finishing up around about the end of the year. There'll be a bunch of new stuff, including:

A bunch of mechanics that were in the original engine, but not in any of the levels cos I ran out of time (colour mixing/secondary colours, variable strength of gravity instead of just variable direction, and a few other things) (!)

A couple of actual new mechanics (!!)

Stacks of new levels — I'm thinking the final game should have about fifty, all up — there were lots of ideas that didn't make it the first time round. (!!!)

Cooperative multiplayer (!!!!)

Analogue input control (!!!)

A level editor (that the end user can use, even) (!!)

The ability to save replays. (...)

Sound, and also interactive music. (!!!)

Control and level design tweaks that will make the game generally less infuriating to play early on (FUCKEN A! – Patrick)

General upgrades in prettiness and a couple of other odds and ends (!)

(Note: Punctuation added to express the insane levels of RED BULL brand FROTHING EXCITEMENT inspired by each feature. RED BULL – giving gamers the energy to own n00bz since 1987.)

So, yeah: that sounds pretty fucking awesome, Finn! Please keep us updated on its progress! And as for the rest of you, if you haven’t already played the original Colourbind (or indeed any of the Shindig entries), then go and rectify that right this second. Otherwise, treat yourself to a delicious ice-cream from the fridge.

TO THE OTHER INDIE DEVELOPER WHO EMAILED ME RECENTLY: I’m going to talk about your stuff soon too, don’t worry!

TO BRIAN CRECENTE: Have you and Ashcraft ever considered pitching a sitcom? You could be a dashing 18th Century aristocrat named Senor Haircut, and he could play your bumbling pervert butler, Arsebag. The show could be called The Hilarious Misadventures of Haircut & Arsebag. It would be a huuuuge success. Huuuuuuge.

Have you seen the screenshots of Animal Crossing 3DS? The characters are hideous; their bodies long and weird. 'Cute' is all about proportions, Nintendo: Neglect that, and suddenly your endearing animal town is filled with unsettling mutants. I do not want to live in that town. When I visit a freak show -- and I often do -- I remain on the appropriate side of the barrier. I do not visit the Island of Doctor Moreau looking for roommates.

Goodness me!

Watch it and tell me this guy isn't EXACTLY what you'd expect the developer of a 4X game to be like.

I'm not trying to be nasty. I love this guy! He's so genuinely enthusiastic about his product! If I had to choose whether to listen to this guy or ... say ... Leigh Alexander, I would choose this guy every time. At least he takes a breath now and then.

(I kid, Leigh! Personally, I thought that whole thing was hilarious.)

This has to be one of the most hilarious PR fuckups ever. It is the equivalent of the Godfreys man dropping a 16-pound bowling ball on his foot. "Just to show you all how safe it is, I'll jump in the piranha pool first." Ha ha ha. Jesus Christ. It could not have went any worse for them.

But on the plus side, I'm sure Micah will appreciate the excuse to change his name and get a new job.

On an unrelated note:

Ever wondered what you'd look like on methamphetamine?

Take a look at what it does to others:

METH: NONE FOR ME, THANKS.

(Thanks to the Street Fighter Galleries for character portraits!)

(And thanks to Str8 Off Tha Streetz Of Muthaphukkin Compton by Eazy-E for the background.)

James Cameron's Space Hippies vs Space Marines extravaganza would have us thinking avatar technology is the stuff of future dreams. We gamers know better. Simply combine $15 a month, a comfy chair and a disregard for family / work commitments, and successful avatar living can be yours in any number of virtual worlds. 

This short film is a must watch for MMORPG fans. The themes on self-identity and immersion in gaming worlds are all well and good. The real highlight though, is seeing World of Warcraft toons seamlessly walking around a Western European city. Epic production values.

It is amazing.

Someone should do the same with Street Fighter. Bison as the ruler of a genocidal police-state; Ryu, Ken, Guile, and Chun-Li as the crack team of assassins sent to end his life. Or maybe you could do it Aronofsky-style: washed-up boxer Balrog, high on meth and half naked, fighting police on the street while his pregnant wife sobs violently in the background. I'd watch it either way.