Five-word/Haiku Reviews

Dan · 08-02-2008, 08:34 PM

I like five-word reviews. I like them so much that I want to start collecting them on the site. With your help.

Here's how I see it working: you guys post your reviews in this thread whenever you like, and every couple of weeks or so, I'll put all the good ones on the site proper. Eventually, once enough have been posted, I'll see about putting them into a proper database which we can continue to update as we go along. Maybe we'll even print some in our next zine or something.

Sound good? Good. Now here are some basic guidelines:

Reviews should be five (5) words long.
Reviews should be about videogames. New or old - doesn't matter.
Reviews should conform to the format seen here.
Reviews should be awesome. Also, rad.

And that's it! Now get writing, you talented fucks.

THE EEGRA PEOPLE

UPDATE: Forum dude Captain Awful just sent me this:

Quote:

Five words is less than, oh say, more words. More words? Absurd, right? No. Haiku Review.

You know why?

Assault Heroes:

Little cars shoot stuff
My screen looks like rainbow puke
Smash TV's more fun

Just throwing out some ideas here.

What do you guys think? Haiku reviews, or five-word reviews? I'd rather not do both, but am open to either.

UPDATE TWO: Fuck it, we'll just do both. Haiku and five-word reviews for all!

UPDATE THREE: (Inserted by shMerker) A haiku is a poem composed of three lines, with 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively. See the above haiku about Assault Heroes for an example. Those who do not speak English as a first language (and those who just don't feel like counting) may find this tool useful.

Gatas Brilhantes · 08-02-2008, 09:48 PM

Oh man, I was totally about to post "No. Haiku only."

NiGHTS: Journey into Dreams (Wii):
Please stop talking you
Wretched feathery cuntsock
Just let me explore

Airport_Whiskey · 08-02-2008, 10:02 PM

I like the five reviews if only because it forces ingenuity. Haikus, although cool, will often fall apart into sloppy "free-form" mockeries of the proper 5-7-5 format. Especially if they are user-submitted.

That said, I'd like to share this Haiku.

Haikus fall apart
People can't handle the rules
It all becomes ass

Trace · 08-02-2008, 10:08 PM

I think haikus would be fun.

Arkanoid (NDS)
Ball goes through both screens
It's so fucking distracting
Level ten is hard

chuanoplast · 08-02-2008, 10:09 PM

I like five word reviews better. Here's one!

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! (DS)
Hand is cramped so bad.

Here's another:

Odin Sphere (PS2)
So pretty, yet so slow.

Dan · 08-02-2008, 10:38 PM

Hm. I'm kind of liking the haiku, actually. They're still concise, but there's a little more breathing room. I guess I'll let the thread run for a while, and whichever you guys post more, I'll use for a "proper" section, and just put the others on the front page.

(And before anyone says as much, I know there's more to a haiku than 5/7/5, but who cares? Eegra isn't a poetry journal, so I think we can let slide the technicalities.)

liamegan · 08-02-2008, 10:40 PM

I like the haiku idea..

Relentless: Twinsen's Adventure
Mecha Penguins march
Magic Balls collide
kaboom

helic0n · 08-02-2008, 10:42 PM

Space Invaders Extreme
Pew-pew-pew pew pew!
Pew pew-pew pew pew-pew pew!
Oh bugger I died

Animal Crossing
Come visit my town
But please do not dig where I
Buried Kitt's body

Gears of War
Such bad-ass man-love
Marcus, Dom, Baird and Cole Train
Look at all dat juice!

Kaatridge · 08-02-2008, 10:43 PM

No More Heroes
Aus version censored
There is virtually no gore
Eh, I'll let it slide

liamegan · 08-02-2008, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helic0n

Space Invaders Extreme
Pew-pew-pew pew pew!
Pew pew-pew pew pew-pew pew!
Oh bugger I died

That's about the most awesome thing I've ever read..

08-02-2008, 10:09 PM	#5
chuanoplast This is Fartin' Country Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Hobovania Posts: 359	I like five word reviews better. Here's one! Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! (DS) Hand is cramped so bad. Here's another: Odin Sphere (PS2) So pretty, yet so slow. __________________ He's called "SCFWAS" for a reason!

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08-02-2008, 09:48 PM	#2
Gatas Brilhantes Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 89	Oh man, I was totally about to post "No. Haiku only." NiGHTS: Journey into Dreams (Wii): Please stop talking you Wretched feathery cuntsock Just let me explore

08-02-2008, 10:02 PM	#3
Airport_Whiskey Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: 静岡, 日本 Posts: 12	I like the five reviews if only because it forces ingenuity. Haikus, although cool, will often fall apart into sloppy "free-form" mockeries of the proper 5-7-5 format. Especially if they are user-submitted. That said, I'd like to share this Haiku. Haikus fall apart People can't handle the rules It all becomes ass

08-02-2008, 10:08 PM	#4
Trace rhymes with face Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Sydney Posts: 106	I think haikus would be fun. Arkanoid (NDS) Ball goes through both screens It's so fucking distracting Level ten is hard

08-02-2008, 10:38 PM	#6
Dan Smug Bison Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 949	Hm. I'm kind of liking the haiku, actually. They're still concise, but there's a little more breathing room. I guess I'll let the thread run for a while, and whichever you guys post more, I'll use for a "proper" section, and just put the others on the front page. (And before anyone says as much, I know there's more to a haiku than 5/7/5, but who cares? Eegra isn't a poetry journal, so I think we can let slide the technicalities.)

08-02-2008, 10:40 PM	#7
liamegan Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3	I like the haiku idea.. Relentless: Twinsen's Adventure Mecha Penguins march Magic Balls collide kaboom

08-02-2008, 10:42 PM	#8
helic0n Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 7	Space Invaders Extreme Pew-pew-pew pew pew! Pew pew-pew pew pew-pew pew! Oh bugger I died Animal Crossing Come visit my town But please do not dig where I Buried Kitt's body Gears of War Such bad-ass man-love Marcus, Dom, Baird and Cole Train Look at all dat juice!

08-02-2008, 10:43 PM	#9
Kaatridge Badonkadonk Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 908	No More Heroes Aus version censored There is virtually no gore Eh, I'll let it slide