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Old 07-15-2009, 09:56 AM   #281
Demaar
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Again I've gone to "like" someone's post on a forum forgetting it's not Facebook....
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Old 07-16-2009, 05:34 AM   #282
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I remember a long time ago actually playing all the way through Eternal Ring.
 
Old 08-06-2009, 05:11 PM   #283
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Holy cow. Based on the couple dozen trials I've tried I'd say everything released by the XNA community is unadulterated shit. There are a couple of things that are at least playable or resemble games, but those seem to be invariably banal or obnoxious.

The cream of this crop, though, has got to be Light's End. It has the most sublimely bad script of any game I've ever played. And this isn't like Resident Evil where you can just ignore it. Pretty much the entire game is dialog. If you want to see what I mean download the trial. The first chapter includes psychological torture employed to discipline a child, a teenage girl who never gets to do anything she wants--like run away from home or commit suicide--and the line "Checking out the jewels always makes me feel better."
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:39 PM   #284
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I'm glad I haven't wasted my time checking them out. Dishwasher seems pretty neat though, didn't it start off as a community game?
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Old 08-07-2009, 01:37 AM   #285
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So it was. So part of the skew going on here is that good games end up being pulled up out of the "Indie Games" section and published in the main Live Arcade.

I have a confession to make: I actually payed $2.50 for Light's End. This is the only time I ever purchased a video game (dun dun DUUUUUN) ironically. I just find something compelling in the writing in the sense of "oh my God someone actually wrote this. I hope my $2.50 helps them afford all the therapy they need." I might try putting together a let's play or a full cast recording or something if the game continues to be so deliciously insane so that you can all share the joy.
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Old 08-23-2009, 05:26 PM   #286
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Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings on the DS is as playable as donkey shit is edible.
 
Old 12-15-2009, 01:48 PM   #287
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So I downloaded Miami Nights: Life in the Spotlight! from the DSi shop because, God, I don't know. It's called a "Lifestyle Simulator", and there was a time when I was kind of interested in that sort of thing. It plays kind of like The Sims Bustin' Out on Game Boy Advance, and I thought that game was pretty cute in spite of its flaws.

The game opens with your character waking up to the reality that he's a loser living in a crappy apartment in Miami, but luckily, there's an inexplicable blond woman in his bedroom today, and she promises to make all of his dreams come true, starting with taking a shower and brushing his hair.

Your landlord is threatening to throw you out on the street if you can't get your rent together, but luckily Blond Woman is there to hook you up with a lead on a job -- a bar across town is looking for a new dishwasher. The owner says you can start right away, but uh oh! There's an angry guy already doing the dishes! He tells you to turn the radio on, and then you tell him how cool he is, and this impresses him so much that he offers to do the dishes for you and gives you his paycheck.

With your landlord out of the way, you're free to start finding women and getting into their pants. Initially, you have a choice between three potential mates. One is slutty, "but super hot". Another is a criminal, "but super hot". The third has black hair and glasses and carries a book, so she's looking for a meaningful relationship. Of these choices, I figure Miss Meaningful Relationship is probably my best bet.

I find her at the beach, participating in an aerobics class of some sort. "Why don't you turn off the stereo so we can talk?!" she suggests. No sooner said than done, much to the chagrin of the people who were exercising to the music. "I know, let's go to the bar!!"

Well... okay.

"Hey, maybe you should get me drunk!!"

I... okay?

I buy Miss Meaningful Relationship a drink and watch her Craziness meter climb to staggering highs.

"Let's go back to your place for a drink IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!"

I... what?!

So then we cut to my bedroom, with Miss Meaningful Relationship sort of vaguely alluding to some sort of intense physical attraction she has for me, while Blond Woman appears, as if she was a guardian angel, to remind me that I can break up with her if I want, and it's just like... wow. I've never played a dating sim before, but I can't imagine that most of them are this bad.

So I look at my options with this woman and decide to try "Hook Up". She replies with "Are you happy now?" And then the game locks up and freezes.

It's been a good long time since I've played anything this terrible. It's kind of a nice feeling.
 
 

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